Too Young
by Mick Howell
Summary: Cat and Ned discover one of their condoms is missing. They interrogate the usual suspects. Yet another Spin-off of "Fawn".


ASOIAF: Modern!AU

Too Young

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.

Summary: Ned and Catelyn discover that one of their condoms is missing. They interrogate the usual suspects. Yet another Spin-off of "Fawn".

* * *

The whole mess started under the best circumstances. Ned and Catelyn Stark had been just settling down for the night after a long Sunday of shuttling kids back and forth across the North Borough, dealing with several sibling arguments, and a somewhat disastrous attempt at a normal family dinner. After having spent the last few hours of the evening cleaning up the aftermath of a mini-food fight, all Mr. and Mrs. Stark wanted to do was settle down in their nice cozy bed and get some "sleep".

However, as Ned pulled open his nightstand drawer and started digging through it, Catelyn couldn't help but give it a sideways glance as she and Ned engaged in a passionate kiss to see what was taking him so long with the, ahem, protection. Then she saw it.

"N-Ned," Cat said, pulling away from her husband's kiss. "Why is the box open." At that, Ned sat up so fast that he accidentally pushed her side away. "What? This is a brand-new box!" Ned whispered frantically, snatching the box from drawer. He inspected it closely. Then he dumped out the entire box and hurriedly started counting. When he was seemingly done, a grim expression over came him. "There's forty-nine here…this is supposed to be a box of fifty."

He and Cat shared a dark look. "I'll wake the kids."

* * *

Ten minutes later, all Stark children (plus Jon and Theon; minus Rickon) were gathered in the living room, looking fairly irritated. Catelyn and Eddard stood before them, a united front of paternal discipline. "Let's cut to the chase," Cat began with a clipped tone. "One of you stole a condom from us." All the children made faces.

"I do not want to know how you figured that out." Theon grumbled. Beside him, a horrorstruck Robb nodded numbly. On the other side of Robb, Jon was wide-eyed. "I didn't even want to know you two still did it." He muttered. Next to him, Bran was covering his ears. "And I still don't. Those last sentence was never spoken. Never heard. Nope, nope, nope. Mom and Dad do _not _have sex anymore—not since Rickon was conceived." He chanted it to himself as if his words might make it true. To his left, Arya rolled her eyes and slouched deeper into the couch. "This is so ridiculous…" She muttered tiredly. On the end of the couch, Sansa clutched a pillow to her chest and looked at her parents with red cheeks. "This is so embarrassing…" She whispered.

Ned cleared his throat. "Now, if the perpetrator will just confess, we can be over and done with this conversation, go back to bed, and discuss punishment tomorrow. So…" He trailed off, as if expecting one of them to stand up and admit their crime. Instead, they all exchanged looks of mixed disgust, awkwardness, and suspicion. Finally, Theon said, "Well, fess up, Snow!"

"What?!" Jon shouted in outrage, standing up and glaring down at the Greyjoy, who looked up at him with amusement, his arms pillowing his head and his legs crossed casually. "Who else could it be? If I wanted a condom, I'd buy it myself. And Robb knows he can always ask me for one if he wants to share some quality time with a girl." Jon gaped at Theon, and then whipped around, his face red. "Dad, I swear, it wasn't me—I don't even have a girlfriend!" He protested. Ned eyed his nephew (who still called him Dad, even after finding out the truth of his parentage), as if trying to determine the truthfulness of his words. Beside him, Cat remained silent. After years of bitterness towards the boy, and finding out the subsequent truth of his parentage, she had finally decided it was best to stay out of matters concerning him, even ones of this kind.

"Jon," Ned finally began. "I'm sorry, but unless one of your siblings would like to confess—" Jon's frustrated sigh cut off his Uncle's words. "I can prove I didn't do it!" He said, and the living room went silent for a moment. "How?" Ned asked. Jon sighed, his shoulders slumping, and marched out of the living room. He returned a few minutes later with a box and handed it to Ned with his eyes downcast.

It was a box of condoms to Ned and everyone else's surprise. "I thought you said you didn't have a girlfriend?" Bran said, looking up at Jon confusedly. Jon shrugged bashfully. "I lied, okay? There's this girl…Val Wilde…and, well…" He trailed off. Theon sent him a smirk. "Guess you aren't as chaste as I thought." He said, and Robb sent him a pointed sideways glance. Theon at least had the grace to look apologetic to Robb.

Jon sat back down on the couch, looking rather mortified and broody over having had to do something so embarrassing to prove his innocence. After a long stretch of awkward silence, Cat took a deep breath. "Okay…so Theon, Robb, and Jon are innocent. So," She sent Bran, Arya, and Sansa a fierce gaze that made them all flinch. "You there…" Bran already had his mouth open in dispute. "I didn't do!" He said, the words practically spewing out of his mouth. "I'm only fourteen, and in a wheelchair—who would I even do it with it?" He asked. "That Reed girl." Cat supplied easily, and she watched her son turn as red as his own hair. "No, Mom, Meera's just a friend—she's older, too! She's nineteen, a year younger than Robb and Jon! What would she be doing with me?" Arya snorted beside him. "Some might ask that about all the time you spend together in that tree house." She muttered.

"Arya!" Bran shouted, looking at Arya with betrayal. Arya shrugged. "Oh come on, you two clearly have something going on between you two." She said nonchalantly. Bran gaped at her. "Arya, I—" He tried to say but his father interrupted. "Bran, is there something going on between you and Howland's daughter?" Ned asked and Bran shook his head. "No, Dad, we just—Arya doesn't know what she's talking about!" He protested. Beside him, Arya snorted again. "Oh please…" She said.

Bran put ferocious glare on his sister. "How could you?! How can you be saying that when you used to say that there was nothing between you and Gendry, but look at you now! If I had said that to you a year ago you would rip my head off and call me a liar! You'd swear never to talk to me again for selling you out and you'd not speak to me for days! I would never do this to you, and yet you won't pay me the same respect? You hypocrite—" Arya scoffed. "Don't call me a hypocrite! Like you didn't roll your eyes every time I denied Gendry and I were a couple or that I had a crush on him. Like you didn't tease me about when Mom and Dad weren't looking. Besides, I've seen how you look at her! I saw that kiss, too! Meera's really Zen, I bet age's nothing but a number to her!" She shouted back at him. Bran turned as red as Lannister crimson. "Meera's my friend—and not the way Gendry was yours! I bet it was you and you're only doing this to throw suspicion off yourself!" Now Arya was turning red. "Don't turn this on me! I didn't do it!" She screamed, standing up. Bran turned to his mother and father. "It was her! I know it was! She and Gendry have been having sex for months!" The entire room gasped, save for Bran who seemed to automatically regret his words, and Arya, who was white as a freshly fallen snowflake.

"Arya!" Cat shrieked. "Mom, I—I didn't do it! Honest!"

"What didn't you do?" Cat asked furiously. "Steal the condom or have sex with Gendry?" Arya stammered a moment. "Both! It wasn't me, it was, it was—" She struggled to find an excuse. "Save it, young lady!" Ned shouted. "I can't believe you would do something like this!" Arya gave a frustrated growl. "But I didn't! I—" She gave a stomp of her foot. "Fine! I did it—I had sex with Gendry! But I did not steal that condom!" Cat looked aghast.

"If you didn't steal the condom, then did you and Gendry even bother to use pro—"

"_Yes!_" Arya shouted over her mother. "Gendry buys them! Okay? So it wasn't me!" She said. "Oh, don't you dare think this is over, young lady!" Catelyn snapped. "You still have some explaining to do about you and Gendry, and just because you confessed to one crime doesn't make you're innocent of the other." Arya gaped. "But Mom, I honest to the Old Gods and the New that I didn't do it!" She complained. "Then who else could have done it?" Catelyn shouted.

Suddenly, Arya's fists tightened at her sides and her face went beet red.

"_Oh, I don't know_, maybe the girl hiding birth control under her bed did it!" She screamed so loudly that Ned was sure she woke Rickon and the neighbors. On the far end of the couch, Sansa froze and drained of every bit of color left in her pale complexion.

"_Arya!_" She finally managed, and by then, every set of eyes in the room save for Arya's were on her. "Sansa!" Cat said with shock, taken aback. Ned looked at his eldest daughter with surprise. The boys had mixed reactions of surprise, outrage, and downright bafflement.

"Sansa…Sansa you wouldn't…you didn't…did you?" Ned asked, hoping against hope she would claim her innocence. Sadly for him, his little girl nodded her head. "I'm sorry," She whispered and she hid her face in the pillow she clutched to her chest. "But, but, Sansa…" Cat stammered. "You're too responsible…too smart…too innocent…too, too young!" Ned looked at his wife with worry. She looked as if her world had just been flipped upside down. He hadn't seen her like that since the last Stark family reunion.

Wordlessly, Robb, Theon, Jon, Arya, and Bran fled the room and returned upstairs. Sansa remained on the couch, looking about ready to cry. Cat and Ned sat next to her, and they sat in silence for a long time.

"Who…who with?" Cat asked hesitantly.

Sansa looked up from the pillow, eyes and face red. "Podrick. Podrick Payne." She answered. And then it was Ned's turn to feel like his world had been flipped upside down. Of all the guys in Westeros City, he wouldn't have expected Podrick to be the one that got his Sansa to sink so low as to steal condoms from her own parents and go on birth control. He was so shy, Ned thought. A timid lad who turned red just by holding hands with Sansa in public, who acted so much like a love sick puppy when he was around her, falling all over himself and getting a dreamy look in his eye just from having her kiss him on the cheek. He and Sansa were so chaste, Ned never would have even suspected they had done anything more than kiss if it hadn't been for his and Cat's discovery.

Briefly, he wondered if it all had been an elaborate rouse. He quickly dismissed the thought, since no one short of an award winning actor could fake such introversion.

"Was he…the first?" Cat asked, rubbing soothing circles in Sansa's back. The girl nodded, and Ned couldn't help being a little relieved. If his daughter had to lose her virginity, at least it was to a nice young man like Podrick. Still…Podrick did have sex with his daughter and that Ned could not so easily forgive.

"Whose idea was…_it_?" Ned asked with his gravest voice. Sansa's shoulders tensed. "It was…" She let out a breath. "It just happened…the first time at least. But we were careful every time after, I swear!" She added. "That's why I got the pills from the free clinic down in White Harbor. But I didn't steal the condom, I swear!"

"Wait," Cat suddenly said. "If you didn't, then who did?" She asked. Mother, father, and daughter shared a look of utter confusion. "If it wasn't Theon or Robb," Sansa said. "Or Bran or Arya," Ned continued thoughtfully. "Then who could have done it?" Cat questioned aloud. Then, realization seemed to dawn on all of them.

* * *

"Rickon, Rickon," Catelyn whispered, gently shaking her nine year old awake. Slowly, he cracked open his blue eyes to look up at his mother and father with confusion. "Wha?" He yawned. Catelyn smiled down at her son. "Rickon," She began. "Did you take something from our room?" She asked, and she watched with amusement as Rickon looked away guiltily. She looked over her shoulder at Ned, who seemed to be holding back some laughter.

"Can you give it back?" Ned asked, and Rickon nodded, climbing out of bed and rummaging through his toy box. He pulled a little square wrapper out of it and placed it in his mother's waiting hand. "Thank you," She said, pressing a kiss to her youngest's forehead.

"I just wanted a balloon, too." He whispered tiredly as he climbed back into bed and Cat tucked him back in. She chuckled at her son and brushed his hair away from his forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetling, but you're just a tad bit young for this time of balloon." She whispered. "When will I be old enough?" Rickon asked as Cat returned to her husband's side in the doorway of the bedroom. Husband and wife shared a look.

"Eighteen."

"Thirty."

They answered at the same time before closing the bedroom door, leaving a very confused little boy in their wake. Outside, in the hall, they chuckled lightly together. "What a night," Ned muttered as they journeyed down the hall back to their bedroom, his arm around his waist, her head on his shoulder. Cat sighed heavily. "I feel old…" She said. "Our eldest is on the verge of discovering just how in love he is with his best friend any day now, Jon is moving out soon, our daughters are having sex." Ned groaned. "Bran has a crush on Howland's girl, and Rickon is getting curious about those things." She sighed again as they came to their bedroom door. "They're growing up, and we're getting old." She said, her voice cracking ever so slightly.

Ned bent down and kissed her on the lips. "But not too old for this?" He whispered, holding up the square wrapper retrieved from Rickon's room. Catelyn smiled slyly up at her husband and pressed her lips to his again. "Of course not." She said as she pushed their bedroom door open.

* * *

**A/N: Here's another spin-off! Yay!**

**I seriously love writing these. The next one, I think I'll either do one centering around Stannis interacting with Gendry, or more Sansa/Pod relationship stuff. **

**I seriously loved writing Cat/Ned in this, and while I worry Bran may be a little OOC, I hope you like how everything turned out!**

**Please review and check out "Fawn" and the other spin-offs, as well as my other stories! And thanks for reading! **


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